The dilemma for daddys to be, part 1

newdadMuch has been written about the complexities and legalities for expectant moms and interviewing. The laws are pretty clear about discrimination and allowing time off without fear of recrimination (losing your job.)

It seems to be much less clear for the dads. When our parents were having kids, things were more defined. Mom’s job most of the time was being a mom (the most important job in the world), and dad was in the workforce. When it was time for the new baby, mom being self-employed as it were, didn’t have to ask for any time off or worry her job wouldn’t be eliminated (although she may wished as much!) Dad drove mom to the hospital and paced around the waiting room smoking and commiserating with the other expectant dads. The baby would come and dad would proudly announce it to everyone and dole out cigars. The extended family would engage to support the new mom’s chores and help with other children, etc. Dad would be back to work the next day.

As we all know now, modern day parenting has changed that paradigm significantly. Dads are more involved with the pregnancy and birth. With the great new advances in pre-natal medicine, there are more appointments and involvement along the way from pregnancy to post birth. As they should, the dad is going to Dr. appts, tests, ultrasounds, procedures, etc. He needs to be a more involved and informed partner. A lot of people these days don’t have the extended and immediate family around them so the many tasks around having a newborn falls on the parent’s shoulders.

Dad’s are taking paternity leaves now to spend as much time with the new baby as they can and help out or go to followup appointments, etc., and some progressive companies are even including that into their benefits package. Some are taking up to 3 weeks off using leave and vacation, some are invoking FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) which I believe is up to 12 weeks unpaid but will preserve job security with some caveats. These events usually are well planned out with employers and cause no major headaches or ill will between employee and employer.

That’s all great if you have a job but what if you are an expectant dad in job search mode? As a fairly recent new dad, I know there is a another whole set of stress factors in play besides the normal ones that come with pregnancy. Not long after you hear the wonderful news you can’t help but start to think about the financial ramifications of a new baby to the point of ridiculousness (how am I going to pay for their college expenses?? If I have a girl, how will I pay for her wedding??) Couple that with looking for a job. Especially if you don’t have one and it gets all the more fun.

You will start to worry about when and if you should tell prospective employers you have a baby on the way or accept a position you probably A. don’t really like or B. pays much less than you deserve because you feel you need to be a provider at all costs.

Well, sit back and relax and let’s talk about and get through this…next post! (Deep Breath! Deep Breath!)

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